Treating People Well: How to Master Social Skills and Thrive in Everything You Do

ష Format Kindle @Treating People Well: How to Master Social Skills and Thrive in Everything You Do ಆ Kindle Ebook Author Lea Berman ಢ ష Format Kindle @Treating People Well: How to Master Social Skills and Thrive in Everything You Do ಆ Kindle Ebook Author Lea Berman ಢ Treating People Well CHAPTER 1 Begin with Confidence Believe you can and youre halfway there THEODORE ROOSEVELT The so called White House high is unique Weve seen than one hardened military professional wander the State Floor with a tear in his eye Its affecting to realize that as Americans, we share a common heritage with all the presidents who have lived in this historic place Its hard to be blas about a visit to the White House some people become giddy and others get a lump in their throat We understood this because we never got over those feelings ourselvesthe awe of gazing at the portrait of George Washington in the East Room and imagining Dolley Madison ordering that it be cut out of its frame to protect it from the invading British, or the shiver of anticipation when the Marine Band plays Hail to the Chief The flip side of this is that the White House can be an intimidating place to work, from the rigorous security procedures at the gate each morning to the sense of history that hangs in the air Thomas Jefferson ate dinner here in the Green Room FDR tracked the course of World War II there in the Map Room Working among the ghosts of past presidents and alongside the ambitious men and women who walk its halls today can make you feel small youre in the command center of the countrys executive branch, where decisions that affect everyone on the planet are made daily That would rattle anyone, and on your first day of work, you cant help but wonder if maybe you dont belong there at all Its perfectly normal to feel out of your depth at times Even British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, nicknamed the Iron Lady, had the occasional moment of uncertainty Catherine Fenton, social secretary to President George H W and Barbara Bush, remembers Mrs Thatcher giving stirring remarks after receiving the Medal of Freedom from President Bush at a ceremony in her honor Upon exiting the East Room, she turned to Cathy and whispered, Was I all right In moments like these, where youre in a new setting or confronted by a mass of striving professionals, you need to take a deep breath and remember to be confident in yourself even if its the last thing you feelespecially if its the last thing As the saying goes, You only get one chance to make a good first impression This is your first lesson in treating people well Beginning with confidence can dramatically change your outlook, at work and at home, and help to create the calm capability with which real problems which emerge less often than we think can be handled efficiently A confident person inspires trustone of the most important components of all strong relationships This empowering approach can take the form of consciously choosing to treat everyone with whom you cross paths graciously, such as saying good morning to a fellow elevator passenger or complimenting a coworker who has just finished a complicated task Now, we dont suggest that you should be overly confident An insecure person speaking emphatically than others might think he is being persuasive, but bluster is usually unconvincing Genuine confidence is earned through experience The best way to stand out is by exhibiting a quiet confidence wherever you go Lead the way by setting yourself apart THE THREE ELEMENTS OF CONFIDENCE Three tools helped us become confident in our daily lives, with each flowing naturally into the next Maintaining a positive attitude is the first step to feeling confident Being well prepared for whatever youre about to do comes next And from there, providing reassurance helps others build self confidence and strengthens your entire team in an upward spiral That said, dont expect an overnight conversion being confident takes time and practice Its normal to feel anxious when beginning a new undertaking, whether its the first day of school, becoming a parent, or changing jobs Were no different we both had the uneasy feeling that getting our social secretary jobs had been some kind of karmic joke Neither of us fit the profile of a typical White House social secretary Past occupants of the position typically came from prominent political families Witty, charming, and self assured, Letitia Tish Baldrige, Jacqueline Kennedys social secretary, was a congressmans daughter who had been Jacquelines classmate at Miss Porters and Vassar Baldrige served in the American embassies in Paris and Rome and later went on to write definitive books on etiquette and style Bess Abell, from the Johnson administration, was the daughter of the governor of Kentucky Lucy Breathitt of the Nixon administration later became the first lady of Kentucky herself While we both had some political experience, we came from different backgrounds than previous social secretaries had, and we each had our own obstacles to confidence JEREMY I was a terribly shy kid growing up in San Antonio, Texas In kindergarten, teachers yelled for me to get off the steps and play with my classmates at recess, which I dreaded the way other kids dreaded the dentist I spent most of my elementary and middle school afternoons with tutors who specialized in learning disabilities because I had severe dyslexia and teachers often had difficulty understanding what I said when I answered a question Thankfully, my parents recognized this and made certain that I had the education and training necessary to succeed in school in spite of my learning disabilities And it turns out that politics played a role in overcoming some of my shyness The majority of my schoolmates were fairly conservative, whereas I had become enthralled by the political conversations and activism of my parents My parents met during a campaign, and being involved in politics had become a way of life, so although I was introverted in other areas, I was always willing to jump into a political conversation or debate But it wasnt until my college years, and eventually dealing with my sexuality, that I felt confident enough to start to break out of the shell I had constructed for myself The coming out process allowed me to accept myself and gradually allow others to know who I am, which began to diminish my shyness LEA I grew up on an isolated farm in Ohio and always felt unsure of myself around other children I was so nervous about going to school that I was sick on the first day of every school year until I was thirteen I didnt know how to strike up a conversation or make a friend I feared recess because I didnt know how to play with other kids My social anxieties mushroomed in high school, and I was miserable everywhereexcept in class I was the nerd who loved school but dreaded the cafeteria at lunchtime College changed everything for me I loved the freedom of starting fresh in a new place and indulged my passion for politics and history while developing lifelong friendships But social anxiety is like a chronic condition you never cure it you only learn to manage it One of my motivations for taking the social secretary position many years later was to prove to myself that I could finally overcome something Id considered a lifelong failing If only we had known that feeling like outsiders when we were kids would help us later in life to be empathetic toward others When youve been an outsider, you become highly motivated to reach out and prevent others from having those same feelings of isolation We are living proof that confidence is a learnable skill We started with very little of it Other fortunate people are born with it, but the truth is that anyone can gain enough self confidence to get along easily in the world Years later, when the two of us compared notes about our first days at the White House, we laughed when we realized we had had such similar mental images of how it could end with a brawny Uniform Division guard tossing us out onto Pennsylvania Avenue and wiping his hands, with a hearty, And stay out Everyone has his or her own personal worst case scenario We wouldnt be human if we didnt imagine such things, but when that image pops into your head, take a minute, acknowledge it, and then think of it as the thing thats not going to happen and push it to the back of your mind Leas worst fear was being dressed down by either the president or Laura Bush, because they were always so controlled that it would have taken a real disaster to bring them to a verbal outburst Jeremys worst fear was that uninvited guests would get into an event Self doubt in a new situation may be normal, but its best not to put it on display Have faith that others see your strengths and skills You must have done something right to get where you are STAY POSITIVE Confidence radiates outward it makes people relax and eases tense or awkward moments Upbeat people are likable and nonthreatening, and they tend to make others want to respond in the same good hud way And thats not just first day advice Exuding optimism and self confidence is something you should strive for every day Theres a Washington saying that the best staff never bring problems to the president and first lady rather, they bring them solutions Our bosses always knew they could trust that our attitude would be enthusiastic and solution oriented Beginning a new situation with optimism is the first step to lasting confidence JEREMY I came through the White House gates for my first day of work on a cool March morning, the sun shining brightly above me I was exuberant, although I couldnt help feeling nervous What was I getting into Could I really do the job The White House is filled with hyperconfident people armed with agendas, political and personal, and I was worried I wouldnt fit in The first item on my schedule was the morning senior staff meeting in the Roosevelt Room in the West Wing, across the hall from the Oval Office The chief of staff sat in the chair reserved for the president when he attends meetings there As in the Cabinet Room nearby, the back of that chair is slightly higher, a subtle symbol of power The most senior advisors sat around the long rectangle table everyone else stood The meeting began with Danielle Crutchfield, the director of scheduling, reading through the presidents schedule, followed by someone in the Communications Office discussing the talking points and issues of the day Participants gave briefings or updates as needed My hands trembled, not so much in fear, but with an excited awareness of where I was It was easy to be happy, I thought to myself, when you start your day in the Roosevelt Room at the White House Just before the meeting concluded, I was introduced to everyone by the chief of staff, Bill Daley, who asked, How can I get the gig you just left Id been a senior advisor to the ambassador at the US Embassy in Paris Working at that embassy was one of the most coveted jobs in the government I laughed along with everyone else at Daleys question, but I also wondered if I would regret leaving the Paris gig for the White House As it turned out, I never had a moments doubt There had been an unusual amount of press with my appointment as the first male and first openly gay person to hold the post As people slowly dispersed after the meeting, Gene Sperling, director of the National Economic Council, approached me and said, Man, who is your PR agent I laughed nervously, hoping the press was over and intending to keep a low profile going forward After the senior staff meeting, I went to the Situation Room and was buzzed inside I showed my new White House badge, checked my phone at the door, and walked past a roomful of screens and people monitoring them I picked up the Presidents Daily Briefing book, which contains details of the presidents activities for the next twenty four hour period My name was on the front page, and I was struck with disbelief I was really here My office windows looked out onto the mansion and South Lawn Sipping an ice tea in a recyclable cup stamped with the presidential seal, I could see the presidents Marine One helicopter landing and taking off, a sensational occurrence at the beginning Later, my coworkers and I would become oblivious to it The windows in my office were actually doors, which allowed me to step out to the roof of the White House, above the Garden Room My assistant cautioned me to always call the Secret Service before going out so I didnt get shot Shouldnt there be a warning on the window about that I asked in astonishment There were back to back meetings in which I was bombarded by information about events the Social Office was overseeing Later that day I felt overwhelmed, but instead of expressing that feeling, I decided to focus on my elation at being there, knowing it was important to have a positive attitude from the beginning Act like you belong, I kept reminding myself It was important to give my staff the confidence to follow my lead I knew the last thing they needed was someone who appeared hesitant and out of his depth I was helped in this by the fact that from my first day, both the president and the first lady were welcoming When I walked into the area of the West Wing where the presidents assistant sits, she greeted me warmly Moments later the president emerged from his office, shook my hand, and asked me to step into the Oval Office, which feels like a movie set than a real place because it is so bright and pristine Unfortunately, I dont recall anything about that conversation, but I do remember being immediately put at ease by his affectionate hug and his giving me the sense that I belonged there We chatted and laughed for a few moments while Pete Souza, the White House photographer, snapped a picture Within a week there would be a large White House envelope on my desk with a photograph inside of my first Oval Office visit as social secretary I was starting to realize that this was my new normal That afternoon, I received an email from a friend in San Antonio, my hometown Hed sent an AP photo of my assistant and me walking from the West Wing, with the caption Hes on the job It reemphasized to me the pressure and visibility of this new position any misstep might be a public embarrassment, not just for me but also for the president and first lady As I made the rounds, meeting the staff and learning the floor plan of the White House, I made eye contact with everyone I came across and remained very mindful of my posturestanding up straight makes you look and thus feel confident I was conscious to acknowledge each person the Secret Service agent at his post, a housekeeper, a gardener, a fellow staffer I greeted them, introducing myself and asking how their day was going I joked about the Herms tie Id bought just a few days earlier at the Paris airport duty free shop in an attempt to use up the last of my euros The color stood out, a slightly off orange shade that invited a few commentssome favorable, some not so much When Mrs Obama welcomed me into her office in the East Wing, she said, Oh my your tie I froze, until I realized that Kristina Schake, Mrs Obamas communications director, had told her about how we had joked about the tie earlier that day They all burst out laughing the first lady gave me a warm hug and welcomed me to the family Hours later, the dinner for combatant commanders, an annual reception for top Pentagon officials and their spouses, began in the Blue Room All the details had been worked out, so my only job was to greet guests I recall being in awe at how beautiful this historic room looked, facing out on the South Lawn and beyond to the Washington and Jefferson Memorials At the end of the evening, I walked with the Obamas from the Blue Room to the elevator that would take them up to their residence This would become a very familiar practice after an event I felt like I was walking through history The graciousness of my new bosses enhanced my confidence and my ability to act the part We all have hidden strengths that we tend to take for granted I did have one big advantage when I began at the White House I had worked for the Obamas since the inception of the campaign, in February 2007, when I started a fundraising consulting firm with several colleagues Raising money and introducing a then little known senator to people in California had allowed me to develop a rapport with the Obamas They were accustomed to my humor, and I had proven to be a loyal supporter This was a huge benefit It was intimidating to be dealing with the president and first lady, but knowing them as people prior to the White House made it less so Reminding myself of this on my first day helped shift my perspective appreciably I realized that my qualifications for the job were never in doubtexcept in my own mind Here are some things to remember about sustaining a positive attitude Remind yourself of your strengths In the uncertainty of a new situation, its easy to get in your own way and focus on what you dont know Instead, try to remember that you have reasons to be confident Maybe its your experience, or maybe its your great attitude or your willingness to work hard Think about what you bring to the table thats valuable, and take pride in those qualities Engage with the people around you Ask how someones day is going make a joke wish a colleague a good evening let others see that youre open and hopeful Youll be establishing yourself as a person who is pleasant to be around Look on the bright side Set a timemaybe a few hours or a daywhen you decide to be in a good mood Make it a conscious choice so that, when daily life intrudes, and you discover a favorite shirt has a stain or your car wont start, you can focus on the things that are going right Its a circular process a good attitude makes it easier to stay positive, and before long it becomes second nature JEREMY When I arrived in the White House, the Social Office had already been through two social secretaries and had weathered a high profile state dinner security breach Morale was low White House staffers work long hours in relatively low paying, high stress jobs with constant pressure to perform at the top of their game In exchange, they have the honor of serving their country in a valuable, career enhancing opportunity It is said that the average length of service of a White House staffer is eighteen months By the time I arrived, some of the staff had worked for almost two years in the presidential campaign before coming to the White House and had reason to be weary Yet I couldnt hide my feeling of absolute joy at being there At one point, a Secret Service agent commented that I was virtually dancing as I walked from the West Wing to the mansion I looked around at my staff, with their serious and apprehensive demeanor, and remarked, Lets step back and look at where we are We are working inside the White House, we work with the president and first lady on a daily basis, and we dont have to make life or death decisions We arent worrying about invading another country or going to war I hate to steal from Disneyland, but we should feel like we are at the happiest place on Earth I wanted to remind them of how lucky we were to be there, but it was also my intent to make the office feel fun Often I used self deprecating stories, hoping to convey that I had a sense of humor about things Other times I would ask colleagues to share funny anecdotes about the Social Office prior to my being there It helped to emphasize that though our work was important, we shouldnt take ourselves too seriously It didnt happen right away, but eventually the staff reflected what Id hoped it would bea warm, cohesive ensembleand nothing made me proud GET READY Finding your self confidence is an important first step The next is being prepared for the job at hand The White House is actually quite small considering how many people work there Constructed between 1792 and 1800, the modern White House offers the same amount of entertaining space that John and Abigail Adams enjoyed The State Dining Room can hold 140 for a seated luncheon or dinner and the East Room up to 200 The East Wing was built in 1942, to cover the underground Presidential Emergency Operations Center, and still manages to barely hold the staff of the first lady, the Visitors Office, the Military Office, and Congressional Affairs The small scale of the surroundings made it all the important for each of us to figure out how everything and everyone worked We couldnt help but notice that our bosses, Michelle Obama and Laura Bush, were always prepared for events, big or small Mrs Bush read the line by lines, the Social Offices detailed descriptions of how each event would unfold, and would have her personal aide call Lea with any questions Before every event, Mrs Obama received a briefing from the Social Office with details such as where she was to enter or if there was a teleprompter She listened patiently and then would focus in on particulars that needed special attention The first ladies groundwork extended to their guests They would find out a bit of background about each one, which meant they could approach each guest in a personal and gracious way Being prepared is a form of consideration LEA There was no reason for me to be so nervous in my first weeks as White House social secretary in 2004 It should have been familiar territory Like Jeremy, I had a track record In my case, it was being social secretary to Vice President Cheney and Lynne Cheneys chief of staff Still, when Laura Bush hired me to be her social secretary in November 2004, the shift from one end of the White House to the other was like landing on an alien planet The butterflies began each day as I drove onto the White House grounds and showed my pass at the gate I was cleared through three successive checkpoints, each time drawing closer to the White House until I was directed to park just outside the East Wing doors It was a real change from the VP side, where I was one of several thousand staffers working in a building adjacent to the White House It was an odd thing to be in awe ofa parking placebut it was my first concrete indication of how much things had changed The parking space, the Good Morning, Madame Secretary greeting from the Secret Service agents, the deference of the residence staff focusing on these small things allowed my confidence to grow When youre about to enter into a new job or situation, its immensely helpful to think about at least one thing over which you have control A little trick I learned is that dressing well and comfortably gives me one less worry in an unfamiliar environment both President Obama and Mark Zuckerberg famously feel the same way I chose a favorite heather green wool suit on that first day of work, which Id worn to my interview with Mrs Bush the week before When Id arrived in the family residence, one of the first things shed said to me was, Oh, I have that same suit It turned out that we were on the same page about a lot of things We liked the same kinds of flowers and foodsshe wanted to serve healthy, seasonal meals presented in a natural way rather than tiny portions arranged in towersand was interested, as I was, in the details of hospitality From that first meeting, she was friendly and inclusive, and the green suit became sort of a good luck charm for me In those first weeks I worked closely with Catherine Fenton, the current social secretary we were overlapping through the month of December at Laura Bushs suggestion so I could begin to get a grasp of the job while experiencing the intensely hectic White House Christmas I was grateful for the guidance But the presence of two social secretaries in the house was tricky and a little confusing for the rest of the staff Having a trainee along was the last thing Cathy needed in her final, whirlwind weeks, but she couldnt have been gracious and patient about it Her kindness was a lifelineand an example Ill never forget Each day we made the rounds, going into the Ushers Office, the kitchen, and the chocolate shopa tiny, cold, stainless steel covered closet where the pastry chef poured out fresh candies and special desserts and which always had a sweet smell hanging over it, even when no one was working there I met two people Id be working with closely Nancy Clarke, the White House florist, and Gary Walters, the chief usher, both of whom had been there for decades I peppered them with questions The chief usher is responsible for the day to day operations of the Executive Mansion and the ninety permanent staff who work there My incessant questions must have been annoying, especially at such a busy time, but I couldnt help myself I felt driven to understand everything, and luckily, Nancy and Gary loved their work and were happy to explain how things were done Cathy found me an empty office in the East Wing and showed me The Files than a thousand folders with details of every White House event of the last four years I burrowed into the temporary office, where I read every one obsessively I wrote long lists of questions and itemized the things Mrs Bush had asked me to see to as part of my new duties, some of which required diplomatic conversations and delicate negotiations with people Id just met At the end of my first day, Cathy appeared with a photograph of the extended Bush clan than a hundred peopleand said, You should try to learn the names and faces of everyone in the family Theyre a closely knit group and some of them visit a lot, and we must recognize and welcome them as family It seemed like an impossible task at the time, but it proved to be great advice Family members did visit regularly, and it was worth the effort to be able to greet them warmly because the Bushes appreciate a thoughtful gesture If word got around that Barbara Bush or George H W Bush were in the building, residence staffers would appear from behind hidden doors and greet them joyfully I took the photo home to study, my head full of lists, questions to ask, and people to seek out the next day I began keeping a pad and pen on the bedside table to write down any questions that popped into my head during the night I was energized by what lay ahead and resolved to surround the new job from all sides Improvise, adapt, and overcome, as the Marines say Here are some concrete steps you can take to help you feel confident and ready on the first dayand every day Do your homework Research your new organization before you begin Try to get a sense of your colleagues and their accomplishments If youve been hired to handle a particular client or area, come in on the first day with some background knowledge and a few fresh ideas Once youve arrived, dont be shy about seeking information The you learn, the you can excel Look for sources of institutional knowledge and ask questions Most people love to give advice, so you will not only be educating yourself, youll be creating an ally Dress the part Choose clothes that make you feel well dressed but comfortable and in tune with your surroundings Pick your outfit the night before It may seem obsessive, but people who get ready this way dont have to worry about a missing button or a stain on their pants, and it saves time in the morning Its one less thing to be anxious about feeling at ease is worth a little extra effort Notice how others dress, especially your boss, as a guideline for whats acceptable But remember being neat and well groomed, however casual your office environment might be, shows poise And if youre invited to a party and you dont know what to wear, dont be shy about asking the host It beats showing up in the wrong attire and feeling foolish See and be seen Hiding in your office or room does not telegraph self assurance Move around in your new environment, find out how things work, and get to know the people youre working or studying or living with Seek out people who can help you become familiar with your new surroundings, and show your interest in building a relationship with them Being a dynamic, interested colleague lets others know youre committed to working well together REASSURE OTHERS The life of a first lady is not all motorcades, Vogue covers, exotic travel, and entertaining world leaders Today we expect first ladies to work hard, campaign on their own, take policy positions, and be role models An endless parade of people waits for them staff with schedules and questions, friends and acquaintances with favors to ask, reporters seeking interviews, and everyone else who just wants to be in their presence The first ladies we worked for exuded confidence while leading highly pressured lives, but they also understood the value of instilling confidence in others Everyone likes to be told that theyre doing a good job Both Michelle Obama and Laura Bush made their staff feel appreciated, with office luncheons in the family residence, staff birthday parties, visits to local eateries, and group tours of nearby museums One of Mrs Obamas most memorable perks for her staff were the retreats to Camp David, where there were team building sessions and guest speakers in the morning, and the remainder of the day was spent relaxing by the pool, playing golf, hiking, or riding around in golf carts It was her way of letting people know that their hard work was valued LEA Laura Bush had years of experience with the residence staff, as both first lady and the daughter in law of the president she is also a shrewd observer of human nature She managed the staff in a quiet and efficient way, establishing clear lines of authority and setting routines that made things run smoothly In the past, she had approved the menu for every meal served at a White House event After several weeks on the job, I made a routine visit to Gary Walterss office As he handed me the menus for the next few weeks, he said, Mrs Bush told me this morning that she doesnt need to see the menus any She said you would be approving them from now on He paused and looked at me appraisingly Thats never happened in my time here The story got around pretty quickly Mrs Bush had let it be known, in her own subtle way, that she trusted me It made the staff take me seriously, and it showed me that she appreciated the job I was doing We didnt know each other very well yet, but her trusting me with the menus made me feel all the ready to succeed Everyone has momentous projects at workoccasions that require massive coordination, preparation, imagination, and luck For a White House social secretary, a state visit is a rite of passage There are hundreds of people to be organized and instructed on their roles, from the Secret Service at the gates to the Fife and Drum Corps, the chefs, butlers, florists, flag waving guests, and military aides There are usually famous entertainers performing, who may turn up late, nervous, or under the influence of a controlled substance There are technicians and staffers who can make mistakes like mispronouncing the name of the country of the visiting head of state that become the only thing anyone talks about afterward, and VIP guests who sulk when they find theyre not sitting at the presidents table Wardrobe malfunctions, forgotten lyrics, dead microphones, massive security, and botched arrival announcements are to be expected In the midst of all this, having bosses who made us feel we could handle anything did wonders for our ability to do so It doesnt have to be a state dinner Inclusion is a form of reassurance that makes people feel part of something bigger than themselves, even if its just the weekly staff lunch at a local barbecue joint Its a powerful yet surprisingly easy thing to do for another person, and an incredibly hurtful thing to withhold Be the person who makes others feel accepted and welcome there are few other gestures that will make you feel confident than an ability to get along with others JEREMY As the new kid on the block, I felt a lot of pressure for my first state dinner, for Germany in early June 2011 I had large poster boards that described where Mrs Obama would walk and stand at various points It included a detailed time line from the arrival ceremony to the end of the evening when the president and first lady would escort Chancellor Angela Merkel and her husband, Joachim Sauer, to the limousine on the South Drive just steps from the Rose Garden, where the dinner was to be held My deputy, who had been there from the start of the administration and understood the mechanics better than I did, was on hand as well in case there were any protocol questions to be answered I was nervous as I began to present the outline of the day Mrs Obama was encouraging This is much easier than all the hype they make it to be, she said Just follow our lead As we finished going over everything, she closed by saying, Its going to be sensational Itll be fine, with a wink to display her confidence in me and in the staff Her relaxed demeanor made everything we were facing seem doable, allowing us all to take a deep breath and ease into the event ahead And the German state dinner was a great success Here are some guidelines on how to reassure others effectively Set the tone Be the first to be kind, inviting, and magnanimous If youre leading a project at work, welcome each person individually at a team meeting Plan what you want to say and anticipate some basic questions or complaints that might arise And then, as you discuss the way forward, isolate what each of your team members has already contributed to the project and what you still expect them to accomplish This puts you down the path of earning and keeping the trust and respect of everyone around you Speak kindly This is important to remember outside the office too If youre the coach and your daughters soccer team has just been handed their fourth loss in a row, draw attention to their hustle and sportsmanship If you have a friend whos job hunting and losing heart because she cant seem to get past a first interview anywhere, bolster her flagging confidence by reminding her she hasnt landed on the right thing yet and telling her you have faith that she will find it soon Just as you take encouragement from the trust others show in you, be generous in reminding people of their good qualities FINDING THE BALANCE CONFIDENCE, NOT ARROGANCE Its wise not to overlook the value of humility as you strive to be confident After all, the most effective leaders emanate self assurance, not self importance General George Patton was known for both his tactical brilliance and his arrogance during World War II His outbursts against some of his troops, the other Allied commanders, and the Russians were not just impolitic they made his bosses jobs harder, and they punished him for it by making him sit out parts of the war, despite his acknowledged capabilities as a commander If you never have a moment of doubt, if you never second guess yourself, if you brush off the concerns of others, you may be a bit too confident False confidence can lead to serious miscalculations Its also a form of self indulgence it masks insecurities with bravado and attention seeking, creating an addiction to being admired rather than a true understanding of the situation President Gerald Ford was known as both a confident and a deeply humble man When colleagues in Congress flattered him, he was quick to say, Im a Ford, not a Lincoln A few weeks after the Fords moved into the White House, the chief usher, Gary Walters yes, the same Gary Waltershe served in the White House for nearly forty years , received a call from the president early one Sunday morning Ford said, I dont have any hot water Gary immediately offered to send an engineer, and President Ford replied, Theres no problem I havent had hot water in two weeks Ive been going down the hall and using Mrs Fords shower Walters was mortified that the president hadnt had hot water since hed moved into the White House but impressed by how easily his new boss took it in stride Its no surprise that Gerald Ford was beloved among the residence staff So as much as we encourage self confidence, its important not to let the pendulum swing too far in the opposite direction Arrogance alienates confidence inspires. Treating People Wellisnt just about civility Its a handbook for life I cant remember the last time I read a book with so much wisdom, told through such compelling and personal stories, with such useful advice on what all of us can do to improve our relationships with our fellow human beings Angela Duckworth, New York Timesbestselling author of Grit Treating People Well is an essential guide for getting along and getting ahead in our world today Authors Lea Berman and Jeremy Bernard show us how people from opposite ends of the political spectrum and all walks of life can build relationships, earn trust, and succeed by treating others with civility and respect Full of life lessons that are both timely and timeless, this is a book that will be devoured, bookmarked, and read over and over again John McCain, United States SenatorThis warm and gracious little book treats READERS well, entertaining them with stories of close calls, ruffled feathers, and comic misunderstandings as the White House each day attempts to carry through its social life Peggy Noonan, The Wall Street JournalEvery chapter is built around practical pointersfrom ways to ease into a conversation and, better yet, get out , to the one time never to send a work email We find that confidence is a learnable skilland get real world advice on Instagram etiquette, and becoming known as a problem solver Treating People Wellis a great service to people whothink theyve made it but actually have a ways to go, and is a huge gift to young people on their way up Mike Allen, co founder and executive editor, AxiosI loved this book Yes, as promised in the title, it shows you the value of treating people well and gives expert advice, but that is only part of it.The two authorsboth former White House Social Secretaries in different administrationsprovide fascinating glimpses of whats behind the scenes at the White House.Youll learn a lot while being vastly entertained Joan Ganz Cooney, founder, Sesame StreetLea and Jeremys stories from the White House are not only fascinating, but reveal lessons about the ways we treat one another that can be applied universally No matter your beliefs, background or what you do for a living, there are takeaways from this book that will make each of us better human beings By focusing on the things that unite uslove, kindness and empathy Treating People Well has the power to change the world for the better Karlie Kloss, supermodel and founder of Kode With KlossyA charming memoir the grace under pressure lessons here are legion Whatever your political persuasion, you will understand the meaning of charm offensive The point of the book is that graciousness is not just good for its own sake it is useful in getting things accomplished, in politics as in life Judith Newman, The New York Times Book ReviewBerman and Bernard winningly call on their experiences as White House social secretaries .the authors weave practical guidance into entertaining behind the scenes moments .the look behind the curtain at the rarely featured individuals who make the White House run smoothly provides a unique and rewarding insiders view Publishers WeeklyWith this book, Berman and Bernard have condensed their knowledge with the aim of helping readers treat others with dignity and show a willingness to collaborate and listen They address and elaborate on 12 cornerstones of civility, including handling conflict diplomatically, owning ones mistakes, and radiating calm Excellent in terms of getting the inside scoop on the White House and training oneself to deal with all kinds of people Library Journal, starred reviewEach chapter offers common sense guidance for finding success in both personal and professional relationships and navigating social settings with gracethe books themetreat others well, and youll do well, toois needed than ever BookPage Treating People Well The Extraordinary Power of Treating of Civility at Work and in Life Kindle edition by Lea Berman, 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Poels, Fietsendiefstal en ziekenboeg te groot voor servet, maar klein tafellaken Grove Atlantic An Independent Literary Publisher Grove American independent literary publisher based NYC Our imprints Press, Monthly Black Cat, Mysterious Press Nissan Leaf Nissan Japanese compact five door hatchback electric car manufactured introduced Japan Recent Pictures News Anchors, Reporters Anchors Reporters Recent Screen Captures ABC, CBS, Local CNN HLN Financial Bloomberg, CNBC, Fox Daily Journal eEdition Views, Lifestyle Events Beecher, Bourbonnais, Bradley, Chebanse, Clifton, Grant Park, Herscher, Kankakee, Manteno, Momence, Peotone, St Anne, Watseka Treating People Well: How to Master Social Skills and Thrive in Everything You Do

    • Format Kindle
    • 150115799X
    • Treating People Well: How to Master Social Skills and Thrive in Everything You Do
    • Lea Berman
    • Anglais
    • 23 March 2016
    • 256 pages

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