Your Six-Year-Old: Loving and Defiant

⊂ Free Read  Format Kindle ᥨ Your Six-Year-Old: Loving and Defiant  ⊥ Ebook By Louise Bates Ames ⋘ ⊂ Free Read Format Kindle ᥨ Your Six-Year-Old: Loving and Defiant ⊥ Ebook By Louise Bates Ames ⋘ chapter one CHARACTERISTICS OF THE AGE Your typical Six year old is a paradoxical little person, and bipolarity is the name of his game Whatever he does, he does the opposite just as readily In fact, sometimes just the choice of some certain object or course of action immediately triggers an overpowering need for its opposite The Six year old is wonderfully complex and intriguing, but life can be complicated for him at times, and what he needs most in the world is parents who understand him For Six is not just bigger and better than Five He is almost entirely different He is different because he is changing, and changing rapidly Though many of the changes are for the goodhe is, obviously, growing mature, independent, daring, adventurousthis is not necessarily an easy time for the child Six is a hard age to be, confided one little boy to his mother One of the many things that makes life difficult for him is that, as earlier at Two and a half, he seems to live at opposite extremes The typical Six year old is extremely ambivalent He wants both of any two opposites and sometimes finds it almost impossible to choose I want to and I dont want to, said one little girl when asked at a party why she didnt go to the table and get herself a cookie Or, we have a poem by Edna St Vincent Millay which beautifully characterizes the Six year olds difficulty in making a choice Come along in then, little girl, Or else stay out But in the open door she stands And bites her lips and twists her hands And stares upon me trouble eyed Mother, she says, I cant decide I cant decide One specific example of Sixs oppositeness is his frequent reversal of letters and numbers as he reads or prints This tendency toward reversal is one of the many reasons why we prefer to delay the formal teaching of reading, both at home and at school Sixs reversals are truly something to be reckoned with Six is also stubborn It is hard for him to make his mind up about big things, but once made up, it is hard to change About small things, however, he does change rapidly A choice of vanilla ice cream may immediately lead to a sudden realization that it was really chocolate he wanted all along, and if you change your order to chocolate he may swing back to vanilla One of the Six year olds biggest problems is his relationship with his mother It gives him the greatest pleasure and the greatest pain Most adore their mother, think the world of her, need to be assured and reassured that she loves them At the same time, whenever things go wrong, they take things out on her An example of this is that of the little girl who sat at the dinner table, arms folded, refusing to eat When her mother urged her to eat, she replied coldly, How can I I have no spoon At Five, Mother was the center of the childs universe At Six, things have changed drastically The child is now the center of his own universe He wants to be first and best He wants to win He wants to have the most of everything Six is beginning to separate from his mother In fact, it is this quite natural move toward independence and less of the closeness experienced at Five that makes him so aggressive toward her at times On the other hand, his effort to be free and independent apparently causes him much anxiety He worries that his mother might be sick or might even die, that she wont be there when he gets home from school And in his typically opposite extreme way, one minute he says he loves his mother and the next minute he may say he hates her It is not hard to understand why this strong emotional warmth toward and love for his mother, which occurs at the same time he is trying to learn to stand on his own feet, causes him much confusion and unhappiness It is fair to say that Six is typically embroiled with his mother He depends on her so much, and yet part of him wishes he didnt But Mother is by no means his only problem The consensus is that somewhere around Five and a half to Six years of age many childrens behavior takes a marked turn for the worse in many directions A list of just a few of the ways in which one very nice little girl changed at this time includes the following To begin with, and quite uncharacteristically for her, she started crying about almost everything She cried because she didnt want to go to school she who had gone with the greatest enthusiasm at Four and Five She cried about getting dressed She cried because she couldnt get through breakfast in time to get to school She cried because school was too hard For the first time in her life she refused to stay put once she had been put to bed, and often got up and came downstairsagainst ordershalf a dozen times or in an evening Even when she did finally decide to stay in bed, she remained awake, talking endlessly and loudly Previously a good eater, she would dawdle and fuss throughout each meal, spoiling the whole meal situation for everybody else at the table For the first time since she was Two and a half years of age, she would, if left alone in her parents bedroom, raise havoc among her mothers belongingsespecially with dresses and shoes For the first time ever, she consistently refused to mind her mother Quite unlike herself, she fought and fussed with her playmates, and seemed quite incapable of playing peaceably To make things even worse, her customary excellent health gave way to an almost continuous series of earaches and sore throats And every single one of these difficulties cleared up by the time she was Seven Things often get so bad around the house that, as one mother put it, Each morning I get up with the solemn promise to myself to try to make my daughter feel loved And I may succeed for an hour or so But then shell do something so impossible that I lose my temper and have to reprimand her Then she accuses me of not loving her She can do anything she wants, but my behavior toward her has to be perfection or she complains One of the things that bothers parents most is the childs freshness Why do you want to know he or she asks pertly Why should I Try and make me And when things go really wrong, I love you changes all too quickly to I hate you But, rather sadly and touchingly, often when the child has been at his worst, once his temper calms down he will ask, Even though Ive been bad, you like me, dont you Or, somewhat inappropriately, at the end of a very bad day a child will ask his mother, Have I been good today It is an interesting fact about child behavior that the less praise and credit a child deserves, the he wants and needs The very difficult child needs a great deal of assurance that he has been good We must remember that a Six year old isnt violent, loud, demanding, and often naughty just to be bad There are so many things he wants to do and be that his choices are not always fortunate He is so extremely anxious to do well, to be the best, to be first, to be loved and praised, that any failure is very hard for him He is, part of the time, demanding and difficult because he is still, even at this relatively mature age, extremely insecure, and his emotional needs are great If, with tremendous patience and effort, you can meet these needs, nobody can be a better, warmer, enthusiastic companion than your Six year old girl or boy Sixs way is, in his opinion, right he cannot bear to lose or to accept criticism On the other hand, he loves to be flattered and praised Certainly he is not as secure as he might be In fact, we believe that much of his stubborn, arrogant, and sometimes bratty behavior is his effort to build himself up and to make himself feel secure Certainly when he boasts that some certain task imposed on him is easy, one can suspect that he is trying to cover up the fact that it is actually too difficult The typical Six year old tends to be highly undifferentiatedeverything is everywhere He seems to have little feeling for scale or hierarchy He may be displeased because his mother or father has possessions than he does In fact, this attitude may be one thing that leads to his occasional pilfering The child of this age is really a very vulnerable little person, very sensitive emotionally, especially when he is being good Very small failures, comments, or criticisms hurt his feelings But if he is being naughty, once he gets started on a bad tack, he may seem almost impervious to punishment That is why he needs so very much protection and understanding from his parents Six, for all he may be so bold and brash at times, tends to be very babyish about physical hurts He may cry his head off just about having a very small splinter removed from his finger or about having to use nose drops However, for all we have said, Six can at times be a delightful addition to the household One of his most endearing qualities is his extreme enthusiasm He is enthusiastic for adventure, for new games, for new ideas He loves to practice and show off his increasing academic abilities He loves to ask questions He loves to be read to He loves to learn about things Another of his attractive characteristics is his emotional warmth When things are right between him and his parents, as of course they often are, nobody could love a grown up with warmth and openly expressed affection And sometimes he can be a wonderfully warm, loyal, and admiring friend He is at his most lovable when he dramatizes something he is telling you The biggest one you ever saw The most wonderful time I ever had When happy, he not only smiles and laughs, he fairly dances with joy Even when asleep he seems to pitch his whole body into his dreamswhich may explain why his nightmares, when he has them, bother him so much His enthusiasm is contagious Things mean so much to him that it is a pleasure to provide for him opportunities to feed his very real need for the new and the exciting Life is seldom dull for the parents of a Six year old.The six year old is a complex child, entirelydifferent from the five year old Though many of thechanges are for the good Six is growing mature, independent, daring andadventurous this is not necessarily an easy time for thelittle girl or boy Relationships with mothers aretroubled most of the time Six adores mother,but whenever things go wrong, it s her fault Itused to be, at Five, that she was the center of thechild s universe now, the child is the center ofhis own universe Parents need the expertadvice of Drs Ames and Ilg during this difficultyear, to explain parent child relations,friendships with peers, what six year olds excel at, howthey see the world, what it feels like to beentering the first grade Children need patience andunderstanding to help make this transition easier From the Trade Paperback edition. 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    • Format Kindle
    • Your Six-Year-Old: Loving and Defiant
    • Louise Bates Ames
    • Anglais
    • 01 December 2016
    • 144 pages

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